If you're crazy like I am... check this out.
So supposedly 6 million people suffer from bipolar disorder. Trust me... it sucks. The only positives are that your hypomanic states are pretty damn good (imagine really really good sativa and a constant feeling that you "have it all figured out") and also you can blame screwups on just "being crazy". But if you don't manage it, you can seriously screw things up. Besides the russian-roulette odds that a BP1 patient will kill themselves in a manic episode, far more damaging to us personally is that we alienate those around us because we ramble on about delusions and spout belligerent things attacking the self-esteem of the people who are closest to us. It leaves family members feeling angry and guilty at the same time. Forget about having a normal relationship with a girl. And a job? A good credit score? Forget about all of that. And once it happens the first time, you live in a constant state of self-doubt and shame, realizing at anytime you can lose the only thing that's really yours... your mind.
The problem with managing bipolar is that all the meds out there have some pretty lame side-effects. You can't mess with brain-chemistry without changing. Obviously, it's a pain in the ass having to take little pills every day to fix you (like you're broken)... not to mention the fact that most of the meds (with the exception, probably, of lithium) are mad-expensive designer drugs and if you don't have insurance (which is super hard to get with a "pre-existing condition") you're in a bad place. And you pretty much are going to have to take the meds for the rest of your life. Everyone tries the medication route for awhile... because believe me... mental hospitals blow. You can't understand how important freedom is until you have it stripped away. If you haven't been in jail or rehab or the loony bin or the army, you won't understand. Outside of those four things, I guess the closest thing I can relate it to would be standing in line at the DMV. But it's a loooooooooooooooooooooong line.
So pick a drug... Lithium, Depakote, Geodon, Zyprexa, Haldol, Blahnadol. Lithium makes you fat. Geodon makes you impotent. Zyprexa makes you dull. Haldol makes you grind your teeth permanently. Mix them up for even more fun side-effects, like sleeping 16 hours a day. It all sucks.
But here's a little secret that you don't hear about very much... even as a bipolar patient. You can shock it out. It's called electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) also known as electroshock therapy. I know. It sounds really bad. I read One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest too. But it isn't like that anymore. You go in, they put you under, and then you wakeup groggy with a little headache. You're not conscious when they do it. But the mania is then supposed to disappear. Supposedly it works really well for suicidal depression, too.
Why does it work? All sorts of theories on why... but nobody really knows. The only major drawback is that it screws with your memory. But I gotta tell you... drugs do to. There are chunks of days in hospitals where I don't remember a thing. Guess it's a pretty good argument for keeping a journal.
Anyway... I first heard about ECT from a book called Electroboy, which was about a manic who claims that after 9 or so treatments, he never had a relapse again. Recovered completely. Then I heard about it from a buddy of mine in Columbia, who said his wife suffered from really bad depression, but one ECT treatment and she's never had the same problem again. He said that the doctors didn't tell him about it... that one of his buddies from dentist school did. He explained that the drug companies make a LOT of money selling pharmaceuticals, and a ton of that goes into marketing... mostly to doctors who don't ever actually experience what they're prescribing, but also to everyone else on TV. This is why if you go manic, you're probably not going to be prescribed Lithium right away even though of all the drugs on the list, it's the one that has the least side-effects and is ridiculously cheap.
But back to ECT. I guess I should probably admit that I haven't actually tried it yet. Haven't been committed for a year and a half... except if you count a quick overnight stint in Vegas around the time Joey won his bracelet. But I don't count that because I was only a little manic when I got in. They shot me up with Haldol (tricked me, really). I slept for 14 hours and then it was back to normal and I was out of there.
On a sidenote, if you ever lose it, Vegas and New Orleans are the best places to do it in. Most places will keep you until they're convinced you're not crazy (and that you're going to take your drugs). Vegas and New Orleans will just keep you until they think you won't hurt yourself or someone else.
Everytime when I was committed I didn't really know what it was all about. Plus whenever I mentioned it as an option to the doctors, they'd shrug it off. A lot of people out there think it is somehow more humane to strap a guy into a bed and stick a needle in his arm then to shock a sleeping guy for a few seconds. Maybe they are just apprehensive because nobody REALLY knows what it's all about and what's going on. I suppose that's hard on your conscious as a doctor without all the positive marketing pushed on them. So now I'm thinking the next time a manic episode starts to creep up on me (and it will almost certainly happen again... BP is a timebomb), it's time to get juiced.
Everybody has to figure out what works for them. If drugs work for you, great. But if they don't, look into this thing. Do it quick, too... b8ecause it's a progressive disease. It gets worse and worse everytime you slip into an episode. And if someone you care about suffers from bipolar, tell them about this. It just might save a life.
Also, to anybody who is relating a little more than they'd care to admit... remember there is nothing to be ashamed about for being crazy. It's a disease. You don't see a lot of people ashamed at having leukemia. Or how about lung cancer? Now there's actually something most people actually SHOULD be ashamed about having. The stigma is all in our heads. Try to look on the brightside. You get to experience something that not a lot of people get to. People pay a lot of money for illegal drugs to make them crazy, and you get it for free.
I have a magnet on my fridge that makes me feel better everytime.
Visit ECT.org for more info.
The problem with managing bipolar is that all the meds out there have some pretty lame side-effects. You can't mess with brain-chemistry without changing. Obviously, it's a pain in the ass having to take little pills every day to fix you (like you're broken)... not to mention the fact that most of the meds (with the exception, probably, of lithium) are mad-expensive designer drugs and if you don't have insurance (which is super hard to get with a "pre-existing condition") you're in a bad place. And you pretty much are going to have to take the meds for the rest of your life. Everyone tries the medication route for awhile... because believe me... mental hospitals blow. You can't understand how important freedom is until you have it stripped away. If you haven't been in jail or rehab or the loony bin or the army, you won't understand. Outside of those four things, I guess the closest thing I can relate it to would be standing in line at the DMV. But it's a loooooooooooooooooooooong line.
So pick a drug... Lithium, Depakote, Geodon, Zyprexa, Haldol, Blahnadol. Lithium makes you fat. Geodon makes you impotent. Zyprexa makes you dull. Haldol makes you grind your teeth permanently. Mix them up for even more fun side-effects, like sleeping 16 hours a day. It all sucks.
But here's a little secret that you don't hear about very much... even as a bipolar patient. You can shock it out. It's called electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) also known as electroshock therapy. I know. It sounds really bad. I read One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest too. But it isn't like that anymore. You go in, they put you under, and then you wakeup groggy with a little headache. You're not conscious when they do it. But the mania is then supposed to disappear. Supposedly it works really well for suicidal depression, too.
Why does it work? All sorts of theories on why... but nobody really knows. The only major drawback is that it screws with your memory. But I gotta tell you... drugs do to. There are chunks of days in hospitals where I don't remember a thing. Guess it's a pretty good argument for keeping a journal.
Anyway... I first heard about ECT from a book called Electroboy, which was about a manic who claims that after 9 or so treatments, he never had a relapse again. Recovered completely. Then I heard about it from a buddy of mine in Columbia, who said his wife suffered from really bad depression, but one ECT treatment and she's never had the same problem again. He said that the doctors didn't tell him about it... that one of his buddies from dentist school did. He explained that the drug companies make a LOT of money selling pharmaceuticals, and a ton of that goes into marketing... mostly to doctors who don't ever actually experience what they're prescribing, but also to everyone else on TV. This is why if you go manic, you're probably not going to be prescribed Lithium right away even though of all the drugs on the list, it's the one that has the least side-effects and is ridiculously cheap.
But back to ECT. I guess I should probably admit that I haven't actually tried it yet. Haven't been committed for a year and a half... except if you count a quick overnight stint in Vegas around the time Joey won his bracelet. But I don't count that because I was only a little manic when I got in. They shot me up with Haldol (tricked me, really). I slept for 14 hours and then it was back to normal and I was out of there.
On a sidenote, if you ever lose it, Vegas and New Orleans are the best places to do it in. Most places will keep you until they're convinced you're not crazy (and that you're going to take your drugs). Vegas and New Orleans will just keep you until they think you won't hurt yourself or someone else.
Everytime when I was committed I didn't really know what it was all about. Plus whenever I mentioned it as an option to the doctors, they'd shrug it off. A lot of people out there think it is somehow more humane to strap a guy into a bed and stick a needle in his arm then to shock a sleeping guy for a few seconds. Maybe they are just apprehensive because nobody REALLY knows what it's all about and what's going on. I suppose that's hard on your conscious as a doctor without all the positive marketing pushed on them. So now I'm thinking the next time a manic episode starts to creep up on me (and it will almost certainly happen again... BP is a timebomb), it's time to get juiced.
Everybody has to figure out what works for them. If drugs work for you, great. But if they don't, look into this thing. Do it quick, too... b8ecause it's a progressive disease. It gets worse and worse everytime you slip into an episode. And if someone you care about suffers from bipolar, tell them about this. It just might save a life.
Also, to anybody who is relating a little more than they'd care to admit... remember there is nothing to be ashamed about for being crazy. It's a disease. You don't see a lot of people ashamed at having leukemia. Or how about lung cancer? Now there's actually something most people actually SHOULD be ashamed about having. The stigma is all in our heads. Try to look on the brightside. You get to experience something that not a lot of people get to. People pay a lot of money for illegal drugs to make them crazy, and you get it for free.
I have a magnet on my fridge that makes me feel better everytime.
Visit ECT.org for more info.
posted by Dutch Boyd at
18:03
3 Comments:
Great post, Dutch. Very insightful and I'll bet helpful for those who may be bipolar. My mom was diagnosed about 8 yrs ago after some very tough episodes. After several different medications she has one that seems to be doing ok for her.
As a side note, being able to win a bracelet with the issues surrounding BP disorder makes the feat even more remarkable. Congrats!
Dino C
Dutch,
Well . . . I had shock therapy back in 1989 after being diagnosed in 1984. Though my suicidal thoughts (in addition to the severity of my mood swings) come less frequently now they haven’t disappeared. As far as meds are concerned I still have to take them and have been on several different regiments over the years; most recently with ones that have been dually used for patients suffering from epilepsy. The medical community seems to have had various levels of success. Because I was blessed with parents of wealth and privilege my medical care and treatment has been the best that money can buy but “understanding” is still a struggle. With respect to ‘using’ the illness as an excuse be careful. The illness can also be used as justification for the way you are treated if you continually “blame” illness for your actions.
I have to say that your bracelet victory over the summer gave a bit of inspiration and confidence.
I wish you continued success and happiness (though I’m sure you know it doesn’t come EVERY day)
Carpy
My mother suffered from severe depression, Dutch, and ECT was what pulled her out after years of trying every anti-depressant on the market. Literally.
Yes, it does screw with your memory. And VERY much so. Not short-term memory stuff like pills. This will wipe shit from your mind like there is no tomorrow. You will find HUGE gaps in your memory.
I would advise against this. Only use it as a last resort.
Just smoke a lot of pot.
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